One Month

Though the pain of losing my baby is still very much there, I feel I can breath a little bit now.

It's hard to believe that it's already been an entire month...
It's hard to believe I should be 15 weeks and 2 days pregnant today...

I should have a small bump by now and I should be in the "good" part of my pregnancy.

Even though it's still very hard to understand why, I know in my heart that there is a reason for this. I think about Matty every single day and most days it's several times throughout the day.

Today has been somewhat of an emotional day. We decided last night that we would visit the cemetery today. We usually go on Sunday's but I really wanted to go today too. We stopped at a flower stand on the side of the road and picked out a beautiful daisy to plant. We gathered all the old flowers and then dug a nice hole to plant the flower. I rearranged the other things we had around the flower. The ground had sunk in quite a bit since Sunday. It rained a lot earlier this week so I am thinking that it caused the ground to "sink" in some. I leveled the dirt out as best as I could with my hands.

We stayed for awhile. Some days are easier and some days are harder. Today was definitely one of the harder days, especially for Shannon. He had to work this evening but after tonight, he is off for seven days. We still have not decided where we are going to go on vacation.

I have an MRI scheduled for Sunday morning so we are planning to leave from there. Hopefully we are able to DECIDE tomorrow. I am the type of person who has to plan out everything and I hate not knowing where we are going.

I am thankful we got to visit Matty today...

I love you Matty

Have a great weekend.