I wasn't thrilled that Shannon had to go back to work but I think we needed some space. We both had our share of emotional meltdowns and both had good moments during his vacation week. We never seemed to be HAPPY at the same time. I don't know what happened but we both decided to "fall apart" the same week. I felt like I was doing somewhat better and I guess that week proved that I am far from doing "better". I have a long ways to go before I am at a normal place.
Shannon's vacation started on May 19th and he didn't have to return to work until the 26th of May. We couldn't officially go anywhere until the 20th because I had an appointment that morning.
On May 20th I had a MRI on my brain and cervical spine. In 2007, the doctors found a non cancerous "fatty" tumor called a Lipoma on my cervical spine. It's located from my first to my third vertebrae and my neurologist isn't sure if it's actually attached to my spinal cord. The only way to know this, is to have surgery.
A few days after I miscarried, I began having headaches that gradually worsened. A "symptom" of the Lipoma is a headache located in the back, right side of my head. When the pain becomes severe, it will radiate to my neck, shoulder, arm and hand (all on the right side). My doctor wasn't sure at first why I was having pain in my head but it was later discovered that a portion of the Lipoma is lying on a nerve that is connected to the back of my head (thus causing the headaches).
My last MRI was in 2009 so both my Neurologist and I felt it was crucial to have a repeat MRI done as soon as possible. Also 2009 was the last time I had a severe headache.
The headache got pretty severe and was causing me a great deal of anxiety. I was imagining the worse. I felt it had grown and I worried that something new would be discovered. Thankfully, the headaches have subsided. For whatever reason, the hormone changes and the stress of losing Matty, triggered it. I spoke briefly with my doctor and he told me that there were no major changes. I am meeting with him at the end of this month to discuss it further.
I am terrified of MRI's. It takes about an hour to do both studies and requires you to lie flat on your back. I had to wear a football type helmet that attached to the bed. I wasn't allowed to move and had to limit my swallowing, which is a lot harder than you think! For previous scans, I took medicine to help me "relax" but I opted to do it without medicine this time around. Maybe it was stupid but I have been against anxiety medicine since I lost Matty. Luckily, I made it through without any major problems. I did have to repeat a section of the scan THREE times due to me swallowing too much towards the end. I was so grateful to be done!
After my MRI, the boys and I decided to head to Baltimore for a few days. We had decided that we would stay for four nights and just tour the area. Check out the Zoo and the Aquarium, go to a baseball game and visit the Inner Harbor. The trip there wasn't too bad. We decided to stay close to home since neither of us were up to traveling too far. It took us about three hours to get there.
Our first evening in Baltimore was pretty nice. We drove into town and parked near the Inner Harbor. However, we were shocked by the cost of parking. Nine dollars per hour!
The boys and I spent the evening walking around the harbor, eating dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe and venturing up to the top of the Trade Center in Baltimore to see an amazing view of the city. We left just before dark and got lost on the way back to our hotel. Both Shannon and I got extremely stressed. Samuel was crying and wanted to get out of the car. It was awful. Thankfully we made it back after a 20 minute detour.
About an hour after we got back to our room, I started to feel really panicky. It was the worse feeling. I just wanted to go HOME at that moment. I had no idea why I started feeling that way. Looking back now, I feel that I just overdid it. Too much stressful stuff in one day. I had an MRI, we traveled three hours and spent almost three hours in downtown Baltimore, all in one day.
The next day we woke up to rain. We wanted to take Samuel to the Zoo and the Baltimore Aquarium. We were worried that rain and the Zoo would be a BAD idea. In the end, we decided to try it. The rain had pretty much stopped when we arrived to the Zoo. Soon after we entered the Zoo it started to pour. We bought an umbrella from the gift shop and decided to "tough it out". Samuel's stroller was soaked within minutes.We took a trolley to the other part of the Zoo and realized after 20 minutes or so that most of the animals were not on display. I started to get so frustrated. I had called ahead and was told that animals would be out "rain or shine". We would trek through to a display only to find it empty. The only animals we saw were a polar bear and a few barnyard animals. Even the turtles were missing!
I could handle the rain and being wet but I was so upset that we continued to walk through the rain to see nothing. We spent a total of 40 or so minutes at the Zoo before leaving. It was a complete disaster. The Zoo was run down and it seemed like the displays had been empty for a long time. There was a lot of construction like "projects" throughout the Zoo as well. After looking at reviews online after our visit, I found out that the "projects" I saw have been that way for several years now (based on previous posters). The area surrounding the Zoo wasn't the greatest either. I was very disappointed and really wonder where the revenue is going.
We had decided that morning that we were going to leave Wednesday instead of Thursday morning. When we got back to our hotel, both Shannon and I were so frustrated with the rain, with our hotel, with the zoo, with the COST of everything, that we both wanted to leave. Within an hour, we had everything packed up and decided to check out several days early. We felt stupid for leaving but with rain in the forecast for the remainder of the week, we saw no reason to stay. Shannon and I were BOTH struggling with anxiety and we were constantly arguing about stupid things. We needed to go home and in retrospect, going to a larger city was a BAD idea. We needed a break but needed to go somewhere "calming".
I absolutely LOVE traveling and going to new places but I was so happy to be home. We spent the rest of the week taking some day trips to various places. We took Samuel to the Natural Bridge Zoo, which we all loved! We got to feed giraffes, llamas, goats, etc. and there were tons and tons of monkeys! Towards the end of the week we went to an amusement park. It was Samuel's first time going. He LOVED it! There were several "tot" size rides in a kid section of the park. He rode every ride by himself and was not afraid at all! His expressions were priceless. We are planning to take him back soon to enjoy the water section of the park that just opened up.
We definitely had some good moments the week Shannon was home but we also had a lot of bad moments. Shannon and I struggled a lot. Nothing he did was RIGHT and nothing I did was RIGHT. I felt like we were fighting so much. We both missed our baby so much and just weren't able to express that to each other.
BALTIMORE
Natural Bridge Zoo
Amusement Park
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