Courage & Strength

It's hard to believe January will be a year since we started trying to have another baby. We never imagined the heartbreak we would have to endure nor did foresee losing three babies in an eight month period. Each pregnancy was a new life and a new hope. It was quickly shattered by yet another loss. Here we are at the beginning of our third loss, our third miscarriage, our third hope for a new baby...broken, lost and confused. Will our dream of having a second child together come true? Do we give up or do we not surrender until we have that baby? We are at a crossroads that we never expected to be at. Is God telling us something? How do we turn all the bad we have gone through this past year into something good?

I'm not willing to give up, even though everything is telling me that I should. I will not be defeated by this.

I remember looking at Shannon in September and telling him "I cannot go through this again, we are done. Do not let me convince you otherwise." I remember feeling so numb and feeling so sick. Here I am a week after I realized I was pregnant again and two days after I started miscarrying. I don't feel that way anymore. More than anything in the world I want our Rainbow baby. It scares me to death to think we may have to endure more losses before we will but I feel in my heart that with God's help and with courage and strength, we will achieve our dreams.

We have a long journey ahead of us. I haven't been really public about my loss in September or this loss now but feel that if I share our journey, that it may help someone else. I don't want others to feel like they are alone in this. This is one of the most painful things I have ever gone through but I know it will make me stronger. It will make me a better wife and a better mother.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
--Thomas A. Edison