Motivation

For whatever reason, I woke up this morning with motivation. I was able to get all my school work done plus my final exam. I am SO happy that I am done for the semester. I am officially taking a "break" from school as of right now. I had decided when I found out I was pregnant with Matty that I would not be going to school in the fall so I am still sticking to that plan. I need some time to focus on just Samuel, Shannon and myself for a little while. School is important to me but right now in my life, I need a break.

After dinner, Shannon and I saw a movie that he's been really wanting to see. I can't believe I have seen two movies in the past two and a half weeks. Definitely a record for me! The movie was really good but the previews got to me. I don't like scary or freakishly weird movies to begin with but with anxiety, its TEN times worse. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack after 5 or so FREAKISHLY weird movie previews. It was horrible. Then by the time the movie started, the theater was jammed packed.

very anxious + overwhelmed = BAD IDEA

I really thought we were going to have to leave but I pushed through it and focused on the movie. Thankfully we were able to stay for the entire movie. I would of felt horrible if we had to leave halfway through the movie. I will tell you that it was definitely a CHALLENGE though. Shannon has done so much for me lately that I wanted to do this for him. Plus I need to learn how to work through this anxiety and this fear of of being around too many people. I don't feel so overwhelmed since getting home but the anxious feeling is still present. 

Have you ever dealt with anxiety? Have you found ways to deal with it in a positive way?

I think I struggle with it most at night and it's a lot harder to be "distracted" at night while everyone else is asleep. Since losing the baby I feel like a lot of my past fears have resurfaced as well as a lot of "new" fears. I am hoping over the next several weeks/months to work through these. In the past I have let some of my fears take complete control of life and I just don't want it to ever get to that point again. EVER.

If you pray, please continue to pray for my family and I. I know in my heart that I will get through this but I worry about the "shock" my body has been through now. Will it be able to fully recover? Physically and emotionally? Will these new fears be a constant in my life now or will they disappear in time? 

Hoping everyone has a peaceful night