Surviving the Rain: The Butterfly

The Story of the Butterfly....

The night before we buried Matty, Shannon had decided that our baby was like a butterfly. A very tiny BEAUTIFUL angel with great big wings! Like a Butterfly..

It was decided that Matty was OUR Butterfly.

Today I had been thinking a lot about this and how butterflies would always remind me of our angel baby. I also started thinking about how it had been a long time since I had actually seen a butterfly.

As I was leaving my moms house today, I placed my hand on the railing and less than an inch in front of my hand lands a BEAUTIFUL Butterfly! It was such a peaceful, beautiful moment. This butterfly had flown out of nowhere to land right there next to my hand. It was perfect. I felt like this butterfly was a "sign" from God that Matty was alright and that everything was going to be alright. I just had a sense of peace about everything. I quickly snapped a photo because I wanted to show Shannon what I had seen.

We walked across the parking lot and right near my car, the butterfly lands again. I smiled and felt the happiest I had in days. We continued to watch it fly from place to place near where we were standing. As we watched, we began talking about my dad (who I lost in 2006). A moment later the butterfly lands in the same spot it had near my car. Then out of nowhere, another butterfly lands right next to it. I couldn't believe it and I almost started to cry. I've struggled a lot over the years with losing my dad and seeing these two very BEAUTIFUL butterflies today, gave me a sense of peace that I so needed. I now know that my dad is holding my Matty for me. Moments later the two butterflies flew off together towards the sun. It truly was beautiful.

A little while later, I met Shannon so we could go to the cemetery to visit Matty.

We arrived around 7:30 p.m., right before sunset. It was perfect out. The sun was starting to set and the air was just right. We gathered all the old flowers up and I decided I wanted to do something special with the flowers this time. We haven't found a marker yet for the grave and I feel that it's so bare.

Two months ago today, we found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to do something really special with what I had. Two bouquets of carnations, a butterfly and the old stems. As I tried to decide what I wanted to do, the boys played and walked through the cemetery.

I used the old stems to spell out M-A-T-T-Y and placed them in the dirt.

I then dug four small holes to place the flowers in. I didn't have any flower vases so I decided a hole would work better than just laying the flowers down directly on the ground.

I then placed the butterfly directly above Matty. I know that it won't stay this way but I felt it looked beautiful TODAY and that's what was important to me. I hated that it was just dirt and nothing else..

We spent a lot of time there this evening and I know it was good for all of us. Today has definitely been a better day.